Moab -- A Religious Experience

Welcome, brother and sister Bikers. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be your teacher for today's Moab worship. We'll commence this service with an inspirational reading of scripture -- yes, real scriptures -- from the Old Testament.

Isaiah 15:5   My heart shall cry out for Moab...

(If it's been a few months since your last Moab
outing, you know this feeling:  your heart cries
for sandstone and sunshine!)
Isaiah 16:4   Let mine outcasts dwell with thee, Moab...

(Moab is the place to go when you're feeling frustrated, unloved, or abused. Hit the rock and work it out!)
Numbers 22:21   And Balaam rose up in the morning, 
and saddled his ass (onto his bike seat), and 
went with the princes of Moab. 

(Group rides are always more fun.)
Jeremiah 48:41  ...And the mighty men's hearts in Moab at that day shall be as the heart of a woman in her pangs.

(Another way of saying "I was so scared that I screamed like a woman.” No place like Moab to give you that feeling.) 
Numbers 33:49   And they pitched by Jordan, 
from Beth-jesimoth even unto Abel-shittim in the 
plains of Moab.

(”Pitched” is an archaic term for “Endo.”
Abel-shittim may refer to another type of "accident.") 
Judges 3:30   So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel.

(Israel was a really good rider. Ever felt that you've conquered the mountain? Yeah, kickin-A in Moab!) 
Numbers 22:1   And the children of Israel set forward, 
and pitched in the plains of Moab...

(Israel’s kids weren't very good riders. But if 
you're not bleeding, you weren't trying hard enough!)
Jeremiah 48:40   ...Behold, he shall fly as an eagle, and shall spread his wings over Moab.

(This verse refers to catching gnarly air. Take flight on adrenaline wings!) 

That concludes our scripture reading. We will now partake of the sacramental Gatorade and Cliff Bar. Then we'll adjourn to begin a pilgrimage to Moab.

Amen.



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